Lets Talk About Sex: Sex After Baby

My personal experience. 
**Mature Audience and their maybe some TMI's. Read at your own risk!**

SEX after A BABY (the beginning)! After you have your 6 pounder (in my case), you're like their is no way possible that my vagina is going back to it's original size. I mean don't people say if a girl has too much sex, she's loose. So why after a baby would it just go back to a "normal" size... But don't worry guys, IT DOES. Giving birth puts a lot of pressure right by where the vagina meets the anus, called "perineum" because it is stretching for the head to come through, so in a lot of cases it'll tear or like in my case the doctor will have to give you an episiotomy (makes a cut to make a wider opening). So can you only imagine? And then she stitched me up (the stitches dissolve on their own after about 2-3 weeks). That's just the beginning. After postpartum the doctor recommends waiting 6 weeks (yes, a month and some weeks) before having sex again. It really wasn't an issue for me, because well quite frankly I wasn't in the mood. My vagina just gave birth to a human, I am healing. My sex drive was kaaaa-plunk. BUT my husband's wasn't. You WOULD think after everything he saw.. Yes, he watched the entire process of giving birth, and taking the placenta out. He saw it! But that sure didn't change his view on me and sex. I think that we waited until about 3 weeks to try and I still wasn't in the mood, but I also don't like to disappoint my husband in his time of need. So... we attempted it. AND HOLY MOLLIE!

It was so painful. Like bitting down, tears coming out of my eyes.... PAINFUL. I was not ready. It couldn't even go in all the way, like I'm sure it was because I wasn't healed all the way. We waited awhile, and then tried again, and it just didn't work for me AT ALL. It hurt like a motherfu****. 

MONTHS, YES months go by, and we are still having sex, but it's so uncomfortable that I am actually saddened that I don't enjoy sex. I remember like 3 months after giving birth, I am just like my vagina should be back to normal. It shouldn't be unbearable! Like what if I never have a sex drive again. Sometimes, my husband would have his doubts that it was about him, but it wasn't. I was still attracted to my husband, and him telling me he was turned on, was a turn on, but the vagina was just "off". It didn't give a damn about anyone else, and thinking about my husband getting between my legs just scared me each time because I knew what the pain was like. 

After six months, it started to get back to normal. When the doctor says "wait 6 weeks", I think what they really meant was months. I finally had a sex drive. I could enjoy it. 

Aren't you exhausted? Friends would ask. But my child slept through the night since we brought her home from the hospital. She was on a schedule, so I got really lucky on my Angel. We didn't/ don't let having a baby get between our sex life. Ask me in about 10 more years. ;)

But if you are having a hard time having sex after a baby, I would say don't rush it. I really would talk to my husband and tell him my concerns. We tried different positions, foreplay... Stuff that really did help me to get turned on, and help get through sex. And really make sure you are lubricated! If you don't think you're ready, hold off, and come back to it another day/ week/ month. You know your body the best! Also after 6 weeks, you should make a doctors appointment for postpartum and share any concerns with him/ her. 

Question of the day:

Do I want another child? If so, when?!!

More like question of the century... The thought of having another baby kind of makes me cringe, but also brings a lot of love in my heart. I really can't explain it. My daughter has changed me into a person I never thought I'd be. Being a mother is the best thing that has happened to me. I love her from the bottom of my heart... To the top!

There are days where I'm just laying on the couch, binge watching on Netflix, and I start to wish I have a baby sleeping on my chest... My one year old doesn't do it anymore, and lets be honest, she's a toddler, no longer a baby. So, I start having baby fever (for all the good stuff that comes with it). But when I really think about it, I can't even imagine going back to day one of having a child. 

Buuuuuuut YES! I do want another child, but the when is really the true question. I am not on birth control, but my husband and I do use protection! But I swear every month, I am counting down the days until my next period, TERRIFIED of not getting it and then ending up pregnant. I swear my stomach will make a certain feeling, where I am like "oh shit, there's a baby in there". Or I'll be nauseated for days, and then I'm googling away online of symptoms (like I don't know what they are).  

I have 4 other siblings, and we are all close in age 26,25,24,(soon to be) 23,21 <--- Me. I don't know how my mom did it, but she did... And I guess I know how it feels to be close to your sister. We got to play barbies and play teacher, our bond is like no other and I want my daughter to have the same. A sister or a brother that she can tell things to that you necessarily don't want to tell your parents. Sad, but true. But then again, my husband has 3 other siblings, and they aren't necessarily close in age, 23 (him), 18, (soon to be) 10, 8. Big difference, and he thinks it's perfect even though they don't have anything in common because of the HUGE age gap.

My husband wants us to wait like 10 years, haha. Only because he's the man of the household, and makes the $$$$. So he feels the pressure to want to give us the best life possible. We also just love our trio. We can afford anything that we want (with reason). We have a great life, and at our age, we our stable with our one child. We also want to travel! We are going to Oregon in 2 weeks, and plan on going to Dubai next year! I can't imagine having another child at this point in our life. I am also going to school (ALL ONLINE), so I personally would like to wait until I at least have a degree in education.

If I did get pregnant in the next 0-4 years, the pros outweigh the cons, and I know my motherly instinct would kick right in and I'd love it! TEAM BOY so I can get my tubes tied. 

Birth Story

9:00 am - January 8, 2014, I walk into my doctor's office to get a regularly check up. I am now 38 weeks and have to go to the doctors weekly instead of monthly since I am close to my due date (January 16, 2014). As I was sitting there, I was joking to my husband James saying "hopefully he just goes ahead and tells me it is time". My name is called, and we go in the back and wait for him (what feels like an eternity and I'm STARVING since I didn't eat breakfast and James promised we'd eat before he went to work) Dr. A comes in and does a sonogram to check our little one. He tells us that she doesn't have much fluids anymore, so he's going to send me to the hospital to get induced. I believe I was 1cm to 2cm dilated (not much). While my husband calls into work, I call my husband's father, Chris and tell him the exciting news. I felt like my husband and I were both kind of getting choked up and realizing this is real! This is where the long day begins....

The nurse puts me in a wheel chair, which I told them was unnecessary since I could walk, but since my baby doesn't have much fluids, and it's protocol with most women to get wheeled... They insisted, and I wasn't going to argue twice (I'm pregnant). So... The doctor's office was next to the hospital, The cold wind is slapping us in the face as the nurse is wheeling me and my husband is right beside me, both making sure I am okay. We get to labor and delivery and they tell my husband he has to wait in the waiting room as they register me in the computer (which I thought was dumb, since he is my husband, but oh well). They placed the band around my wrist and it was official, I was admitted in to the hospital.

They placed me in my room, it was very nice and big. They told me to get in the shower and clean my lady parts. I looked at her like, are you trying to say something? Haha. "This is just protocol" - the nurse reassured me. "You don't have to wash your face (to take your makeup off)." My husband was blowing up my phone, and I told him him and his grandma could come now. They come in an hour later (12:00) and start the pitocin. Used to jump start labor. They also tell me, I can not eat until after giving birth. I almost threw up right then and there. I am starving. Chris (husband's father), my mom and 8 month old pregnant sister Des, my husband's sisters (S, E, & M) and all his grandparents show up at the beginning. I had more people than what was allowed, but she said as long as I stay calm, and my blood pressure doesn't go up, they can stay. But some leave anyways, knowing that this is going to be a long process, and the rest stays. I am good. No pain, watching TV, talking to everyone. The nurse checks up on me every 30 minutes to watch the contractions and make sure everything is going as planned. Eventually a couple of hours later, everyone is shocked at how well I am taking it. I am in no pain, and I'm like "hm, maybe I can actually give birth naturally" (like I would want to). The nurse asks me if I feel the contractions, and I told her not really, so she places some things inside my "lady part" to keep track of the contractions better. She even tells me that the pitocin is so high, that they normally don't even pass, I believe was 13ml, and I was at 24ml, so she's surprised that I have a high tolerance with pain.

James, Grandpa R, Chris, S, Mom & Des

I am still starving, and they give me a cup of ice. They should at least give you some snow cones or something, because ice just doesn't cut it. My mom bought me a lollipop, but that is still forbidden, so we had to quickly hide it when someone came in the room. Apparently, it's because if they have to do a c-section, then you need to be empty? My husband was TRYING to tough it out of not eating along with me, but I told him it was okay, that he can go eat... So he left with his Grandpa R and went to eat, and that is when Dr. A comes in and tells me he's going to go ahead and break my water, but it shouldn't be a big deal since my baby barely has any fluids left. He asks for everyone to leave while he does this, and since James isn't here, my mom stays with me, holding my hand. "There is going to be a little bit of pressure" - he says, and breaks my water. And within one minute or less, I am fighting to hold tears back. My pain is so extreme that I feel like I won't make it through. Family starts to walk back in, and I tell my mom to tell them to get out. Dr. A is surprised saying their was barley any one that came out, even my mom said it looked like a couple of drops, but nothing major. I didn't care, because the pain I felt was like the opposite of whatever crap they were trying to tell me. James comes in the room and sees what happened, and knows I don't feel good. He holds my hand, rubbing his thumb on top and remains quiet. My mom is still with me, and asks the doctor if I can have the epidural now. You aren't supposed to get the epidural until after 4cm, and I was at a 3cm, but he knew I was in so much pain, that he went ahead and told the anesthesiologist to come and do it. They believed my pain was so bad, since I had been having the pitocin so high for a couple of hours, that I am now feeling all of it. They gave me some privacy, so I asked my mom if I could get up and lean over the hospital bed since who wants to just lay down and feel all the pain, helplessly. She said "yes, that you can do whatever is going to make me feel better." I am leaning over the hospital bed, butt is exposed from wearing this dumb hospital gown, but I don't even care. "Can I do anything", James asks feeling helpless. And I tell him, "no". He doesn't let go, and tears fall from my face as I am moaning and groaning in agony. My mom watches the contractions on the screen, and I had about 10-15 secs to catch my breath as another contraction hit me like a wave in a storm. She'd tell me every time it was coming, to embrace myself as she rubbed my back. I swear to God, it was never going to end.

I dealt with this for 30 minutes with barley any break of contraction, and finally GOD answered my prayers and the anesthesiologist comes in with the best present you could ever receive. They ask for James and my mom to leave. No one is allowed while they do the epidural. My nurse gets in front of me and tells me to place my hands on her shoulders for support. The anesthesiologist tells me that it will burn for a second, and I should feel the full effect of the epidural in less than an hour. The needle is about as long as your computer screen, but I didn't care because as he is talking and about to do this, I am still have terrible contractions. [depending on how I die, I am going to say this is the worst physical pain I'll ever go through] The nurse is telling me to take deep breaths, instead of holding my breath during the pain. So here we are doing the breathing technique you see on movies, haha. He does the epidural, and I was in so much pain that yes, it felt like a bee sting (I have never got stung by a bee, but I feel like that's how it'd feel), it burned, but I knew it was just something magical happening. I tell the nurse I only want my husband to come back.

As my husband is entering the room, they are placing a catheter in me since I will no longer be able to go to the bathroom until the epidural wears off. I am no longer in pain, and now I am just sleepy and hungry. We rest, while family is getting restless. They want to be in the room, but we are so tired, that we don't want to feel like we have to entertain others. Dr. A comes in and tells me he hasn't had a day off, so he's going home, and Dr. M is going to be here. But he doesn't feel like I am going to deliver until tomorrow morning. [Side note: IF you ever saw Knocked Up, I joked to a lot of people that that's my biggest fear of having a doctor be with me through my whole pregnancy and then BAM not be their during the birth] (He was wrong, but oh well...) Eventually my family (Chris, S, Grandpa R, Des & my mom) was tired, so (Chris, S, Des, and my mom) decided they were going to leave and come back. As they were telling their goodbyes, I told my mom I needed a bag to throw up in. I was super nauseous and apparently that meant the baby was coming. We asked the nurse if she could check if  I was dilated enough to push, and I was at 7cm! Everyone left the room again, besides my husband and two nurses started to help me push. We aimed for 11 PM on the dot. I think it was about 10:30, haha. So we tried to make it a game. One nurse sat beside my leg holding a foot on the bed while another was between my legs, and James was holding my other leg/foot. Since I had the epidural, I couldn't feel anything. "You need to push like you're having a bowel movement, you will feel the pressure with pushing", one of the nurses told me. It was just completely awkward. I had to act like I was pooping in order for this baby to come in this world. At first, it was hard. They told me I was pushing all in my face, with no actions down there. We even tried one nurse hold a blanket, while I held the other end (tug of war) and hope that'd help with pushing down. (it didn't). Eventually I got the hang out it and my husband would tell me when it was all in my face and when I needed to push correctly. People have asked me two million times: Did you poop? 

All I can say is not eating for 24 hours, helps. Of course something is going to eventually come with you practically forcing and straining. But (TMI) it was like the size of a  marble or less (LMAO). I Promise!

They could all see the top of head appear, so I push for a little while more and they get the doctor. (I just want to praise nurses that they really do the hard work). She comes in, adjusts the hospital bed where my butt is pretty much no longer on the bed. She tells me we will push, I will get a 10 sec break, and then we will push again. I did it, and even with the epidural, I could feel the pressure of my baby's head squirming through, so that's when I don't do the break, and I continue to keep pushing down knowing she is making her way out in this world, and at 11:41 PM she does! Later, my husband tells me he wanted to hit the doctor, because they pulled her head to get her out and it was like stretching (LOL). They undo my gown and place her on me immediately and cover us up. It is surreal, she's beautiful and REAL. ;) They wipe her down as she's still on me. They then take her from me since she is breathing weird. I am worried, and they tell me it's okay, it just sounds like some fluids. My husband walks with them for them to pat her on the back and get the rest of the fluids from her throat and nose. The doctor is cleaning and pulling the yucky stuff from me, I watch as she pulls the string back up and down to stitch me up.

Angeline Alyse: born January 8, 2014 at 11:41PM. 6lbs, 14oz. 19 3/4 inches long.

They told me they could bring me anything I wanted to eat, and I told them all I wanted was "sweet tea" which they didn't have, so they brought me water! Angeline Alyse was okay, and we got to hold her again and spend time with her. Family came in to see her before they left for the night, saying that she looks like me. (I didn't agree at the time, since she was just born and I didn't know who she looked like). They all said their goodbyes, and after an hour the nurse came back and told me I'd need to pee before I got moved to the maternity floor. They helped me walk to the bathroom, since the epidural was 100% gone. "It's scary but you can do it", the nurse encouraged me. She presented me with a squirt bottle with warm water and told me for a couple of weeks, I'll need to squirt the water as I pee. I tried, but it just felt weird. Something huge just happened to me, and I feel totally different. I couldn't. She then told me, if I didn't, she'd have to place the catheter back in. Pssssssss...... I peed. Everyone laughed, and it burned like ffnsflnsflgnfdndjkfng shit! It hurt so bad, that I wish I never had to pee again. They gave me the best comfortable pad in the world and the softest panties (because even though birth is over, you have the worst heavy flow of "period" for a couple of weeks to flush everything that's left) They rolled Angeline and I up to our maternity room, and that was the start of our life together...

What happened next... Next post coming soon!

Why I have decided to home school....

"Home school?" You cant... 

Anytime I bring up homeschooling my daughter, people look at me crazy. It isn't normal... What about her social life... You just can't do it!

Well, at first I felt that way also. My husband brought it up to me and I was like no, I want her to have friends. That was my only reason really of not wanting to do it, but then I looked into it. I researched the topic. I got more information about home schooling in Texas, and afterwards I was like "Why not?"... Seriously! Angeline will have friends, I'll make sure of it. There are many home school programs for home schoolers so they can socialize with people and even go on FIELD TRIPS! I will also have her in a sport, or something special that she likes.

 The word home school is scary because well most people don't do it, it isn't the norm, but I really think people should look more into it, before they give me there "but"... I don't plan on home schooling up to graduation, just her elementary days. I am working towards my teacher license... Not that you have to have it, but so I can be better equip at giving my daughter the best. I want to be the one to shape her mind and values, not teachers and the students. The schools now a days are out of whack, but people still think it's a bad idea... I think not! My child will get better learning at home, then she will at some school in my area.

So, as she is still only one, we are just enjoying her being my baby, but I am excited for what the future holds for us :)

Bzzzzzzz...eee. (Busy)

Angeline's Valentine Picture that I took!

My towels have sat in the washing machine for almost 4 days, or since Sunday. YIKES!  And then yesterday, I remembered and I rewashed the towels AGAIN, and today is a new day... Guess what!? They're still sitting in the f@!king washer! I wouldn't use the word lazy, but I am TIRED. I have been sooo busy with catching up on school work.. I mean it's not like I have to catch up, I am already ahead, but I like to stay ahead, so I write in my planner that things are due a week before, so I make sure to have them done and so if I DO have to do something, which results me from not being home, I don't have to stress out about it. BUT... school work, trying to be healthy by going to the gym, taking care of the ANGELine... kind of overwhelms me, and on top of that, I am still a stay at home wife no matter what, so my husband expects for the towels to make there way in the dryer and then folded and placed in the bathroom cabinet... For the dishes to be washed, placed in the dishwasher and then in the kitchen cabinets. I think the worst part of cleaning is the aftermath, putting things back in there place when you are done, and it's just a vicious cycle. *inhale* *exhale* So, I am trying my best to do everything 100%, right now I am about at an 80%, and I'd at least like to be at a 90% because I like A's. ;)

<center>But since I haven't blogged in awhile, I thought I'd share some pictures of February!

In Texas, rarely do we get snow, we mainly just get ice, but it snowed for a couple of days, and Angeline got to play in it!

I made something in her room to display her work! I don't know the correct term for the material I used, but it's for scrap-booking and then got clothespins to hang the pictures.

NURSE BINGO! (FREE TEMPLATES)

My sister has officially received her diploma for Bachelors in Nursing! She has worked so hard in to getting where she is... Through sweat, tears and pain... She made it! So, Saturday is her Nursing graduation party, and I am in charge of "games" so I thought I'd share BINGO with you! I had a hard time of finding templates for free online, and I found a template BUT it only came with two bingo sheets for free, so I copied it and with the 69 words on the call sheet I made more! So below, I am giving it to whoever doesn't want to make there's and can simply just print it off! :) Have fun!

Players: Up to 9 players
Materials: Bingo sheets, call sheet, bingo chips (or something that can cover the words if they get called)
Instructions: Pass out the bingo sheets, have someone cut out the call sheet words and place in a bowl. Say N, U, R, S, or E and then pick a card out of the bowl and say the word... It is that easy! Note: Make sure to say the letter row first before picking a card out of the bowl so people don't say you are cheating/ helping someone! 
Players: if the WORD gets called under the correct letter, place a chip on it. 
How to win: If you get 5 chips horizontally, vertically, or diagonal you won!

Bingo Call Sheet - if the link doesn't work, I posted the list of the 69 words at the bottom of this post!

Words for call out sheet: ADMIT, ANATOMY, ANEMIA, ANTERIOR, ANXIETY, B/P CUFF, BANDAGE, BED PAN, BEDSIDE COMMODE, CALL LIGHT, CARING, CATHETER, CHARTING, CNA, CO-WORKER CALLED IN, DEDICATED, DEMENTIA, DISEASE, DOCTOR, ENEMA, FAMILY MEMBERS, G-TUBE, GLOVES, HEADACHE, HEALTH CARE, HYDRATE, HYPODERMIC, INCIDENT REPORT, INCISION, INJECTION, INSULIN, LATERAL, LOVING, LPN, MAR, MED CART, MED PASS, NARCOTICS, NICE, NURSING HOME, ON HOLD FOR DOC, OSTOMY, OXYGEN, PAIN, PHARMACY, PILL CRUSHER, PILLS, POSTERIOR, PRESCRIPTION, PULSE, RESIDENTS, RESPIRATIONS, RN, SCRUBS, SEDATIVE, SKILLED, STETHOSCOPE, SUCTION, SUPPLEMENTS, SYMPTOM, SYRINGE, TEMPERATURE, THERAPY, TRACHEA, TREATMENT, UNIFORM, URINAL, VITAMINS, WHEEL CHAIR

She's just a KID

I think some people don't have it in them to be a stay at home parent, like my husband thinks it's easy, but when it comes down to it, he can even admit that he wouldn't be able to do it for more than a day. It takes so much love and patience. Not saying my husband doesn't love our Angel. But, you have to have that nurture in you (what most women have). You have patience, because of how much you love your child.

Like today... I fed Angeline at her high chair, made sure she ate as I was making myself grilled cheese. (I haven't ate all day) She finishes, and I place her on the ground, and get my grilled cheese on a plate, take my nice Grape Fanta and go sit on the couch. She starts whinning like she wants my food, I simply tell her "no". Grape Fanta in one hand, the plate on my lap. She grabs my plate, I yank it back so it doesn't fall to the ground, and then my drink falls right on top of the plate (UPSIDE DOWN). All in my lap, wet... cold. I jump up immediately, because our couch is only one month old, I didn't want a drop of it to get on the couch.. But oh well, it did. I look at her, and I have to breathe for a second, remind myself that my child is only one... She doesn't know any better, and if she did, it'd have been an accident because no way would she want to dump my drink on me because I didn't want to give her a bite of my sandwhich... Righhhht? So I clean it up, scrub the couch. I had ONE more slice of cheese in the fridge (G-O-D looking out for me) and made myself another sandwich. She didn't even mess with me after that, and luckily the couch didn't stain. But I know for sure I just got tested on patience of motherhood and I passed.

I don't want to be that parent who is always saying "no", "stop", "what are you doing", "you can't do that".... I mean I am raising my child into a well civilan, don't worry! And she won't be at the store hollering and getting away with it. But, I also feel like a kid is a kid. I want her to get dirty, I can see the joy in her pulling out all the stuff in the cabinets, and me having to put it back in for her to only pull it right back out. I can see the giggles as she drops food on the floor from her high chair as I just mopped. And I can't get mad, she's too happy. I think my husband has realized that stuff can't always stay as clean as he wants it. I have seen parents getting so mad at their child, and I understand. I'm not going to say it's not always frustrating, or you're tired but you have to understand they don't know much but their happy and my daughter gets really upset when she sees that I'm upset.

So if you're reading this and today you feel like you're at your wits end with cleaning up a mess. Just don't. Today is a free pass, let them be a kid. You have tomorrow to clean :)

Oh, and I hope I'm saying this when I have 2 kids on my hands... But for now it's only one child's mess!

It was messy, but I am blessed for her full tummy!

She got in her Graduates Puffs and it was EVERYWHERE!